Author: LiveBraveWoman

House that built me on Creekview Dr.

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Have you ever heard the song by Miranda Lambert “The House That Built Me”? I listen to it from time to time and the words just hit me sometimes.

 

“I know they say you cant go home again. I just had to come back one last time.”

“You leave home, you move on and you do the best you can. I got lost in this whole world and forgot who I am.”

“I thought if I could touch this place or feel it this brokenness inside me might start healing. Out here its like I’m someone else, I thought that maybe I could find myself. If I could walk around I swear I’ll leave. Won’t take nothing but a memory from the house that built me.”

This weekend I am making the trip back to little old Rosharon population 1,100. I am a little ashamed to say but I have not been to visit in quite some time, but since my Mom passed away I feel that I really do not have a reason to visit other than it will always be the place where I grew up, the place from where my roots were planted and started.

I grew up in Rosharon the majority of my life. As long as I can remember my Dad was a rancher, the first 8-10years of my live I grew up on a ranch called Oak Tree Ranch. The ranch had horses, cows, and peacocks! I grew up wild and free, running around without a care in the world. We moved around a lot living in three houses on the ranch never having a permanent home, after that we moved a couple of more times until finally moving to a plot of land that was 3 acres on Creekveiw Dr. off of 1462 and county road 569, that was finally HOME. It was not much, just a very small home that was once a small apartment garage that was turned into a two bedroom house for us to live in. We lived there from the time I started 6th grade until I graduated high school and boy did my Mom love her little piece of land. The one thing I will always remember is her ALWAYS putting up Christmas lights and decorations. I would always ask my Mom why do we put them up, no one will ever see them, we live in the middle of nowhere, no neighbors or anything around us. Her response would be, “For the cows to see them”, lol.

That little yellow house on Creekview Dr. held so many memories for me, we moved there during a time when things around us where getting tough, well tougher than they already were. I grew up in that house, and remember hating it so much and wanting to move away and never come back. It was tough living there, my dad and mom separated a little after we moved there, and life only got harder. Mom did everything she could to provide everything for us and sometimes it was not enough, there were many times we went without electricity and other things. Little that I know this house formed me into who I am today. I hated the fact that we lived so far away from everything and everyone, but looking back I have realized it has made me have a greater appreciation of where I have come from, and keeps in line with my original roots.

That little house is where I learned to mature and grow up and learned that life will not always be easy. You need to play the cards you were dealt like they were the cards that you wanted and my Mom was the prime example of that.

That little yellow house is where I spent many hours working on school work because my Mom was determined to get me to college so I could be the first in my family to graduate from college with a college degree. Growing up my Mom and me did not always get along, but today I see it as her pushing me to do my best and her not wanting me to end up like her, she wanted me to be successful and to not have to struggle like she did, she wanted so much more for me and for that I am forever grateful.

That little yellow house is where my little brother and I got into a lot of trouble being left alone to our own adventures. One time we made a “sled” made out of a piece of wood and decided that it would be a good idea to take it down the hill that led to the creek behind the property. Yeah—not a good idea, my brother was the first to go and as he went we overlooked a nail in the board and needless to say…..that nail got my brother right in the butt!! LOL. Oh so many fun memories of our adventures out there entertaining ourselves……

That little yellow house is where I remember getting ready for my many choir concerts, getting ready for my Quinceanera, never having any privacy, laying out in the hammock in the front yard looking at stars, climbing trees, mowing the grass on the riding lawn mower, burning the trash when my mom was not home and almost setting the pasture on fire and so many other good memories along with many bad memories.

That little house…….What really made that little house was my Mom. I write about my Mom a lot, and it’s because the older I get, the more appreciation I have for her and all that she did for my brother and I, she sacrificed a lot for us and I never want her to be forgotten, I want her memories whether they good or bad, to stay around as long as they can. Everyone has who still have their mom’s get to show their appreciation  on mother’s day, birthdays, holidays, and everyday….sharing memories of my mom is simply my way of showing my appreciation of my Mom and letting her memory live on through my writing.. But back to my reason for not going to visit, when my Mom passed I lost my home, she was home to my brother and I, and she was everything to us, she was our rock. For me when she passed I lost everything that I ever called home, I lost a little of myself and I lost that little house on Creekview Dr..

Sometimes I do wish I could go back and touch it or feel the memories come back to me when I am feeling broken and lost. That little yellow house represented everything of my upbringing, but when my Mom passed she took everything with her, and left me a little lost in this big world leaving me with no guidance. That little yellow house is still there to this day but its not my home any more, its someone else home now.

Even though I cant go home again, I will always have the memories that will keep me grounded and rooted. That little house on Creekview Dr. is a representation of how far I have come, I go back and remember I have gone from that little country house to living on my own in a different city making my Mom proud that her little girl is all grown up and is everything she ever wanted. I discovered that after a little time of healing I found myself and learned that home is where ever I want it to be. It was hard letting go of the home that built me because it held so many memories, and also knowing I will never have a true place to call home.

Sometimes I also go back to try to feel my moms presence around me but as the years go by I feel less and less of her there. I come to the realization that I don’t have to go back to feel her, she is with me always and has been walking with me since the day she held her last breath.

The past has to be let go in order to move to the future, its ok to revisit the past to reflect on how far you have come, it only makes you stronger as a person but never forget your roots. Be humble and never forget where you come from.

Here’s to hoping this weekend is full reminiscing on the past and to making new memories.

Here’s to a weekend of facing the past and looking to the future.

Here’s to a weekend of joyfulness.

Here’s to the house that built me  and  my Mothers memory of her little piece of heaven there on Creekview Dr.

Xoxo-Lyssa

Season of Changes-continuance of the Butterfly Transformation.

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I recently took a chance and went for an opportunity that just came into my life. Whether the outcome is good or bad, I am proud of myself for at least seizing the opportunity. I had an internal struggle of whether I should go for it because I am not the biggest fan of change. Then I remembered a life lesson, learn to accept the changes because they happen for the right reasons at the right time.

This time four years ago, in a certain chapter in my life, I was a happy person well at least I thought I was. I was a person stuck in a safe bubble not really living life. I thought I was happy and had all that I ever wanted and what I dreamed of, but God had other plans for me. God decided it was time to bust my bubble and break me out of the lifeless life I was living and flipped my world upside down.

At first I was in denial, I tried to patch the hole in my bubble that I had previously patched so many times and pretended that everything could go on the same as it did. I was in shock, numb of everything around me, I cut myself off from everyone and the world. I soon learned that the patch on my bubble could not hold any longer and it came off exposing me to hurt and anger. I tried to bargain with God, “Please if I change my ways can you please take me back to my safe bubble?”

When I received no response and knew that the looming changes would start to flow into my life, I was angry at the world, I was angry of those around me, and I blamed myself for the brokenness of my bubble. In a very short amount of time, change after change came into my life that I had no control over, I had to move on and learn to live outside of the bubble. This was not the first time my bubble has been broken but this was the first time it exposed so much of me. I soon lived in a numb world full of sadness, and grief, I had just suffered a great loss. I lived in this world of sadness that seemed to be never-ending.

It took a long time but I finally made it back to the surface and back to reality. I finally realized that the new changes in my life were awesome changes and that they were leading me to even more awesome and amazing opportunities. I came to accept the fact that I needed my bubble broken and I needed to expose myself to the ultimate vulnerability in order to confront my past and get rid of the negativity that it held. One day I woke up and decided I LOVED my reality and the changes that had taken place. God has taken me to a place I had never dreamed of, whether he had this in the works for me or not I am forever grateful that he broke me out of that chapter in life. I look back and think yes I could have been happy but I am even happier that God placed a curve in my path leading me down to a path of self-discovery and positively that has made me stronger more confident person.

Change is good, and even though it still is hard for me to accept I know its coming and it will come at the right time when I am least expecting it.

I feel like my whole life has been about perfect timing, I have been so lucky in my last few years of my life that opportunities and changes come to me at the right times. I like to think that my Mom, God and guardian Angel are all always watching over me and preparing me for what is coming my way.

So sit back and be grateful for the forever changing of the seasons in life and for the changes that bring on new chapters in your life story.

XOXO-

Lyssa

 

The Transformation of the Butterfly

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If you live in San Antonio, you have probably noticed the abundance of butterflies throughout the city. It’s the yearly migration of the Monarch Butterflies. Seeing so many butterflies had me reflecting on my own transformation that I have gone through these last couple of years. People say you change in your 20’s and change I have! With my last year in my 20’s one thing that has definitely imprinted on me is that the changes never stop, you always continue to grow, learn and experience (both good and bad) because life never goes as planned.

I recently came a across a beautiful quote that made me think of the changes of the butterfly.

 “Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly……”

There are many moments in our lives where everything seems to go completely wrong. We huff and puff and put blame on the world and everything that surrounds us. We get so mad at life for not going the way it was supposed to go that we ultimately get exhausted. We get exhausted of the battle we are fighting against the world and ourselves that we surrender. When we surrender we start the transformation and become the most amazing beautiful butterfly. We learn to spread our wings to fly and learn to live, laugh and love again.

I was definitely fighting a battle with the world, an unknown battle where I was putting blame on life and hating myself. What is so wrong with me? Why can’t I be happy? Why did my Mom have to leave me so soon? Why can’t she be here to help me and guide me out of this darkness? Why did it have to happen this way? Why was I left with the broken pieces to put back together? Why am I so alone? It’s a dark struggle and it’s even harder to get out of if you don’t surrender. Eventually I  learned not to hate life, that I was not alone, and I should not to put blame on the world  and others. You see I was the little caterpillar searching for my place in life, feeling alone, unhappy, and with no understanding of my purpose.  I had to take time to focus on myself, to build on my self-confidence, to build new relationships and to take into account the tools I had within myself to realize my full potential to change MY WORLD. That was when beautiful changes started to happen.

Trust me the butterfly is proof that you can go through a great deal of darkness yet become something beautiful.

My journey is not yet over, there are days when I still feel lost but I remember that it is ok to have those days just don’t stay there, its important to keep moving forward and to not stay stuck in a slump.  We all have our challenges but the way we handle them is a reflection of who we are. Do not let the darkness over take your life, there is always a way back to happiness, surrender to the light of life, to the crazy/beautiful unknown of life, and you find yourself becoming an amazing beautiful butterfly navigating through life.

Live, laugh and love always.

Lyssa

29 Lessons learned from a 29 year old.

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  1. Always……Always put yourself first. It’s ok to be selfish.
  2. It’s ok to go out during the week as long as you have your priority’s straight and get to work on time the next day.
  3. On that note, it’s ok to say no to going out. Friends will always send that invite for drinks or dancing but they have to understand that you have other responsibilities. You are focused on building your career and being successful. As a friend be understanding and supportive of those life decisions.
  4. Be professional and build your career. By now you should have your plans in place so you can have the lifestyle you want later in life.
  5. Write down your goals and accomplish them! If you don’t have them written down will they truly ever happen? First step write it down, second step make it happen! Make a promise to yourself to be a better YOU! Work towards a goal or create a buck list and check off everything you have ever wanted to do!
  6. Go running, walking, hiking, any kind of exercise! That pizza and beer will creep up on you, trust me!
  7. Learn to eat right and make healthy decisions. Now is the time to change eating habits for a better you!
  8. Don’t be afraid to eat alone! Go have a meal alone at a restaurant, it’s not as bad as it sounds. Enjoy your own company. When you can appreciate that time alone that is when you really start to love yourself. Be independent!
  9. Travel, explore! Plan a trip and make it happen! If you can’t go far because of budget look up places in your own backyard! San Antonio is one of the most central places to access so many parks, rivers, lakes, and wildlife! See the beautiful landscapes and places the world has to offer!
  10. Go on a solo trip in or out of the United States! You will be forever rewarded! Experiences are priceless memories.
  11. It’s ok to drink a bottle or two of wine alone at home by yourself and watch a good crying movie like a Nicholas Sparks movie. Sometimes you need a good cry and let it all out!
  12. Go to concerts, go to happy hours, go to events and meet new people. Life is full of people who you are destined to meet.
  13. It’s ok to spurge on a mani, pedi or  getting your hair done. You are hard working woman and deserved to feel beautiful and pampered.
  14. Who cares if you go out every weekend? Do your thing, have fun and live life because in the end you are responsible for your happiness. People expect you to just sit at home and be alone, NO! go and have fun, it’s your life!
  15. Your best friends from high school will not be your life long best friends and it’s ok. Every season and every chapter in your life is different. I only have a hand full of childhood friends that I can still depend on but I have made so many other close friends on my journey and its ok. Each person I have met, I have met them for a reason and they have helped me write my story.
  16. On that note, make sure to make time for your best friends. Life gets hectic and busy but always try to make time to catch up, and keep those bonds close!
  17. Get rid of toxic relationships and surround yourself with people who support you and your life’s decisions. Make sure you have a group of close friends that you can confide in and get support from.
  18. Tomorrow is never promised! So live life in the now!
  19. Don’t take things for granted, practice gratitude every day.
  20. Be positive everyday. Once you learn to live in a positive light all the negative and darkness will be pushed away to bring good things into your life.
  21. It’s ok to be single with no kids at 29. Times have changed, don’t be pressured to be in the wrong relationship or to follow a certain life plan that you simply aren’t ready for. Trust me the waiting is hard but it’s well worth it! Stick to it and be happy.
  22. Life throws you curve balls. It changes by the minute and bad things happen, but trust me it doesn’t last forever, there is always a pot of happiness at the end of the rainbow.
  23. Be prepared to give up plans for the future. Like I said life changes by the minute and sometimes you cannot control it. You have to be prepared to give up some dreams and move on, but in the end you will realize that better plans were in the works for you!
  24. Karma is real! Smile,Be kind always, show respect, be honest and don’t cheat or lie!
  25. Volunteer as often as you can, it’s a great opportunity to help others, and you can make a difference in someone’s life!
  26. Understand your self-worth and your confidence will show!
  27. Always respect others and their life choices even if you aren’t in the same stage as them. Don’t judge because one day you might find yourself in the same boat as them.
  28. Know when to let go and let live! Not all relationships are going to last, know when to let go and move on. It might take time and many……many tears and heart breaks but they are well worth the lessons learned.
  29. Lastly be prepared to walk this journey alone. I have walked much of my life alone and it has only made me a much stronger, braver and more independent person. I have lost a lot close friends and loved ones through broken relationships or death. I lost my mom at age 20 and was not prepared. How can you be at that age 20? I am 29 and still need my Mom, she was both mom and dad. I have had to learn to live without her and become the woman she wanted me to be, I cannot let her down. Life has its moments and I have been through the worse of them at this young age, it certainly isn’t fair, but I have learned that you have to walk through the many storms in order to be blessed with sunny days.

These are just a couple lessoned learn as of now going through my twenties, I could add so many more, but I am sure as my story goes on, there will be many more lessons learned as time goes on.

XOXO,

Lyssa

Trust the Timing-My guiding light and adventures in Italy.

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As much as I have preached about staying positive and trust in timing I never fully understood it until last year. After my trip to Italy last year, I was on cloud 9, high on life and so completely happy, I had just experienced one of the most challenging things in my life.

My solo trip to Italy proved that I could do just about anything by myself, I was in a foreign country with only myself to rely on, millions of miles away from home. Yes, I had researched and I was as prepared as I could be, but I still had a fear that I would fail.

In the end, I had conquered my fear! I knew somewhere my mother was smiling down at me and proud of her daughter and of the woman, I have become.

I just knew my Mom was with me as my little brother dropped me off at the airport, I was a ball of nerves and second guessing myself….could I really make this trip alone?

I just knew my Mom was with me as I spent the night in Istanbul, Turkey, my first time ever being overseas!

I just knew my Mom was with me as I arrived in Venice that first day and watched me as I nearly cried when I missed my train for Florence but something inside me told me to be strong and keep it together, another train was set to leave within the next hour thankfully.

I just knew my Mom was with me as I got lost in Florence that same day trying to find my hotel, but a guiding spirit in me keep me cool and collected and I eventually found my hotel.

I just knew my Mom was with me as I traveled the country side via a bus ride and got to see the beauty of the Tuscany region.

I just knew my Mom was with me as I walked the streets and learned of the history of Sienna.

I just knew my Mom was with me as I climbed the 296 steps at the leaning tower of Pisa!

I just knew my Mom was with me as I had to step out of my comfort zone and make new friends while on one of my tours. I had two new friends to have dinner with on my second night in Florence, she made sure I was not completely alone.

I just knew my Mom was with me as I arrived in Rome and stumbled into the nearest Basilica and lit a candle and said a prayer for her. I knew she was there as I sat down in the pew and cried to myself. I cried thinking of how lucky I am to be in such a beautiful country full of so much history, architecture, and awesome food and wine.

I just knew my Mom was with me as I walked through what was left of the once glorious Colosseum.

I just knew my Mom was with me as I tossed a coin into the Trevi Foundation, wishing for love to come my way.

I just knew my Mom was with me as I made friends with an American couple who I had met on one of my tours and as I had dinner with them I discovered that the wife was a CPA who encouraged me to keep striving for my dream of becoming a CPA.

I just knew my Mom was with me as I visited the Vatican and walked the magnificent hallway and buildings.

I just knew my Mom was with me as I sat through mass at St. Peters Basilica and walked up with me as I took communion.

I just knew my Mom was with me as I cried on the train traveling to Venice on Thanksgiving thinking that holidays will never be the same for me.

I just knew my Mom was me as I walked through the streets and canals of Venice getting lost but somehow always finding my way.

I don’t believe she ever left my side, she was there every step of the way helping me and reminding me that I am strong, I am brave and more importantly I am independent. I believe by the time I came back she knew I was finally strong enough to let myself be happy again. All that I had endured the three years prior was finally behind me. Everything finally came together as if they were puzzle pieces. I had found my courage, I had found my strength,I had found my confidence, I found myself in Italy. The beauty of the country and the experience made me believe that I could conquer anything!

So trust the timing, trust the experiences whether they are good or bad, because in the end they lead to great moments of realizing that you had it in you the whole time. YOu had the tools to pick Yourself up, dust yourself off and make yourself happy again.

Think positive always even when the situation is negative, always walk to the light even when darkness surrounds you and always be grateful and express it every day.

 

 

 

 

 

Week 2- Its been a crazy busy month!

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I have been slacking but this should be week two of my blog. So I am about a month in to my 29th year and I added something to my bucket list that I never thought of, renting a car.

Technically this was added by accident (I had a minor car accident, everyone is ok!) but never the less I think everyone should at least rent a car before they turn 30, one of the musts that you have to do for adulthood. One memory I have of my mom is when she would take our family car (white minivan) to the shop for its yearly maintenance and she would have to rent a car. I always loved the fact that we had a “new” car to drive around in, and boy did she drive the heck out of it. She would pick my brother and me up after school which was just about the most exciting thing in the world! You see, I am from a small country town outside of Houston….Rosharon. Yeah you probably have never heard of it! Living in such a small town with a population of about 1,000 people meant that we had to go to school in the next town over which was Angleton which also meant that we had to ride the bus to school. Let me tell you…those were some of the longest bus rides ever! So having our mom pick us up from school was definitely a treat.

Other than that, I really haven’t checked anything else off my bucket list, it’s been a busy month of July and busy beginning of August. I hope that everything starts to settle down and get back to some kind of normal. I have started my year of selfie project…its harder than you think! You have to remember to take a photo every day in the same spot….whew!! Kudos to all who have done this, but I am excited to see the outcome of my year of selfies project : )) I have started to think of what I want to write about for my book…..more to come later, lol.

What I hope so accomplish in the next month is to begin to check off more items off my list or start the planning process.

Till next time!

XOXO

Lyssa

 

30 Things to do before I turn 30.

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Come along this journey with me as I set to check off all of my bucket list items before I turn 30 on July 4, 2017!

  1. Start a blog and write a blog at least once a week until my 30th birthday.
  2. Get a tattoo.
  3. Random act of kindness-Leave a $100 tip.
  4. Go on a ghost tour in New Orleans.
  5. Travel to an exotic destination.
  6. Go to a music festival in a different city.
  7. Travel to at least 2 different states I have not been to. ✔
  8. Splurge on a once in a lifetime meal at one of the world’s best restaurants.
  9. Go whitewater rafting.
  10. Learn how to shoot a gun.
  11. Write a fictional story and self-publish.
  12. Become a CPA( ehhh I can dream…but it can happen!).
  13. Travel Solo…..again…. : ))
  14. Learn about my family Genealogy, take an ancestry test!
  15. Read a classic novel.
  16. Try an exotic dish I have never had before.
  17. See a Broadway show.
  18. Run a half marathon and finish it in my goal time.
  19. Spend New Year’s Eve in a different city!✔
  20. Visit the Grand Canyon or another national park outside of Texas!✔
  21. Get a professional full body massage!
  22. Learn a foreign language- Italian!
  23. Go zip lining.
  24. Ride a scooter through the city.
  25. Dress as Selena for Halloween.
  26. Go parasailing.
  27. Learn how to cook a Turkey for Thanksgiving.
  28. Find out one thing my Mom really wanted to do and do it in her honor.
  29. Start a Business
  30. Take a picture everyday until my 30th birthday and of every experience.

There is always room to add to the list but these are my top items so far!

XOXO

Lyssa

 

 

Introduction of the Twenty Something Gal.

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Hi everyone!

This will be a blog of my journey and experiences during the last year of my twenties. Today marks 23 days since I turned 29 and I want this year to count!

I have 11 months, 6 days until I turn 30 and have so much on my to do list before I get there!

I’m a dreamer, a whole hearted lover, a free spirit, I believe in faith and that things certainly happen for a reason, I’m strong, independent, sensitive most of the time, a wonder luster….I’m one of kind. I believe that life should be lived and to not waste one moment because you never know if it is your last.

So come along with me as I try to accomplish everything on my bucket list!

Till next time

XOXO

Peace, Love and Happiness