A couple of months ago, I did a thing……

I had not planned on sharing this with the world but here it is.

Those of you who know me, know that my Mom passed away years ago and since then she has been one of inspirations for writing. Her passing has forever changed my life and I’ve always searched for some type of validation that she’s proud of me and that she is always with me.

In June of this year, I signed up to have a reading done via skype by empathic psychic medium Jennie Marie, from TLC’s “Mama Medium”. Here is where I might lose a couple of people, but that is ok talking about this kind of stuff isn’t for everyone and that is ok.  I’ve followed Jennie Marie for a while now, I first found her on TLC when she had a couple of shows air a few years ago. Once I found out that I could sign up for a reading online, I finally took the chance to see what it was about. If you follow Jennie Marie, you know her wait list for a one on one reading is super long…..like years and years long, LOL.

Before you listen to the recording below, let me set the scene for you. The reading was done via Zoom along with 8 other women who are also part of her inner circle who had also signed up. The zoom session was set up for 2 hours, with each person having about 15-20 mins with Jennie. We all had our camera’s on so that Jennie could see us, and we could see and talk to Jennie. I was sitting at my desk at home and made sure I was on mute the entire time. All that everyone could see was me sitting in my chair, and really, they couldn’t see anything else. Anytime I would get up, I would turn off my camera.

Jennie Marie is a clairvoyant medium. Clairvoyance is when you can see images in your mind’s eye that hold psychic significance. “Voyance” meaning vision, so clear vision.

One by one, each lady on the zoom chat had their turn to speak to a loved one that they were wanting to talk to. I watched very quietly the entire time listening as Jennie connected with each loved one and delivered messages that they all yarned for. I cried at times, because I knew that each one of us were there for the same reasons. It was so emotional, and it was an experience that I would never forget.

Finally, there were two of us left. I planned on going last, but I finally had the courage to speak up and go next, it was now or never. I didn’t know what to expect and I didn’t know what my crazy Mom would say. I think I was more afraid of what my Mom would actually say or I was worried that she wouldn’t connect and would not come through at all. If you knew my Mom, you knew that she was sassy, crazy and very out spoken, you never knew what would come out of her mouth, LOL!

Below are two parts of the reading, they are two of my favorite parts. The message that came through from my Mom was a message that I needed to hear; it was the validation that I didn’t know that I needed. And yes……I am an ugly crier! Like Kim K ugly crier, ha-ha! I’m also a double Cancer! My Sun sign is Cancer and my Rising sign is Cancer, with my Moon sign in Libra (another topic I will cover another time). But those who know me, know that I’m very in tune with my vulnerability. 😊

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The reason I decided to share this, is because since this reading I have felt somewhat complete, someone at ease, someone healed knowing that my Mom is with me, knowing that she is proud of me and somehow I am on the right track in my life. For so long I’ve felt alone, second guessing my journey and wondering why….why…why…but in a way I feel at ease that I’m somehow navigating this on my own and am succeeding! Those who have lost a loved one, especially a parent, know the hole in your heart that it leaves behind, it’s a sadness that never goes away no matter how much time passes by.

We all have a different journey; we all have a different story that fuels our passion and reason for the things that we do. We might encounter similar journeys and stories along the way that will cross our paths, but it is up to us to figure it out on our own, no one else can do it for us. Whether you believe in this or not, I hope it helps or inspires those who have a similar story or journey as mine. Keep Going, Be Brave, Take Chances, Be Fearless, Stay Positive, Practice Gratitude and always believe that tomorrow is a new day.

-Lyssa

03/04/2019

Hi Mom….it’s me Alyssa again.

Tomorrow will be 10 years that you have been gone from our lives.

It’s crazy to think that I’ve lived 10 years, a decade, one third of my life, without you …..My Mom, who was both Mom and Dad. It’s not fair, I still needed you.

It’s really crazy to think that I’ve lived without my biggest fan and supporter for so long. Let’s be real, I am who I am today because of you. I am where I am today because of you. I never had the chance to say or express “Thank you”, I have to live with thinking that you knew that I was grateful for all you did for me. The sad thing is I feel that we didn’t have the best relationship when I was growing up, I never understood why you pushed me the way you did, and I hated it. It was not until I moved away on my own to San Antonio, without family or friends, that I realized why you did what you did. I took you for granted and it’s been something that’s been heavy on my heart since you’ve been gone.

I have so many questions that I wish I could have asked and now I probably will never get the answers I am yearning to know.

………….. What did you want to do when you graduated high school? Who were you in your 20’s? Were you happy when you moved from Corpus to Houston at such a young age? Were you nervous when you first became a mom? When you were pregnant with me, what was my actual due date? Was I supposed to be born on the 4^th of July? How did you go into labor with me, were you excited when you found out I was a girl? …….Who was Margie Contreras……Who was Margie Campos…?

It makes me sad to think that Adrian and I had such little time with you. We had the Mom that was a single parent, overworked, unhappy, and did all she could to provide for two kids with the little help that our Dad was able to provide. Looking back, I don’t even know how you were able to do it all, but somehow you always managed to ensure we had a roof over our head, clothes on backs, food in our stomachs and made sure we did well in school. Gosh, I don’t even know how you managed to put on a Quince for me, but thanks to you I graduated from college and promise to continue to make you proud.

As I’m writing this, I keep thinking back to 10 years ago, to this very day and think of a conversation Adrian and I had. I don’t remember who called whom, but I remember I was telling Adrian how you had called me the day before and wanted me to stop by and see you in Houston while you were back in the hospital a second time. Adrian and I joked around on how dramatic you were being, because we knew you, we knew how you were, and we both agreed that you would be fine, you would get better and that you would be home soon. At the end of the conversion Adrian told me he planned to go see you in the morning. Little that I knew March 3^rd, 2009 was the last time I would ever get to talk to you or hear your voice.

I’ve come to realize that the day you left, a part of you was left with all of us. I feel that I got the part of you who was brave, independent, and strong—-A Survivor! These strengths have gotten me through the last 10 years, some of the toughest and hardest years in my young life- and I wish you were here, just so I can hear you say—“f*ck him”( you know what I’m talking about). Every time I hear Reba McEntire—“I’m a Survivor” I think of you.

Without you it’s been hard. So many nights I have cried to you, talked to you and I hope you are listening, small signs do tell me you are. In the time you’ve been gone, and the years that have passed, I’ve learned and grown so much. Mom, I hope I’m making you proud. I hope I am the woman you wanted me to be.

I hope you do see us, all of us and check in from time to time. Adrian has grown to be a great Man, you would be so proud, I know I am! I wish you could be here to see all of your grandbabies, gosh they make me feel so old. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of you and think of your sassy personality, so many people knew you and your big smile, i wish i got that part of you.

I Miss you, I Love you, and I will never forget you. Tomorrow as always, I will listen to Que Me Lleven Canciones—by Mazz, and not let the day get me down, but hopefully it will bring me joy in remembering you.

Love always,

Lyssa

I’ve said this before (maybe I’ve thought it but never said it out loud) but some days are more meaningful than other days because of what happened on those days.

February 15, 2009 is one of those days.

I still remember the phone call from my Mom. From the moment I answered the call I could hear it in her voice, she was scared—she was vulnerable. For the first time in my life this brave, strong woman was scared and didn’t know what was happening and was looking to me her daughter for comfort.

My whole life my Mom served as both Mom and Dad to me and my little brother, she always figured out how to provide for us. We didn’t have much growing up and Mom never had the enough money but yet somehow she made it things happen.

It’s crazy to think back to that phone call and all that had happened, and had no clue what would happen 3 weeks later. When I answered her phone call I could hear it in her voice, the first time in my life my Mom needed me. It was late at night when she called from the hospital, and I remember telling my ex— lets go now…my Mom needs me. So we packed up and drove through the night from San Antonio to Houston to be with my Mom.

The next day we were able to go and visit my Mom at the hospital and she seemed to be in good spirits, she joked around and was being her usual sassy self and I remember thinking….Mom you are going to be ok, you’ll be home soon, don’t worry you will get better—-……..we left later that day and God only knew– but that was the last time I ever was going to see my Mom.

I remember after that my Mom did make it out of the hospital I don’t remember what exactly happened that she made her go into the hospital but two weeks later she was back in the hospital.

March 3, 2009 another day.

That day will haunt me forever……..

Let me give you a little back ground of what happened that day. March 3^rd was a Tuesday and I had planned months before to go to the Houston rodeo that day to see Rascal Flatts—it was supposed to be a quick day trip. That day I had class in the morning and planned to drive to Houston from San Antonio just for the concert and that’s what happened….I met up with my friends and had a great time at the concert!

After the concert on the shuttle back to my car my Mom called me, she knew my plans and knew I was in Houston. She was back in the hospital at that point, she was back in for walking pneumonia, but that phone call is what haunts me.

She called me and asked to me to stop by and visit her at the hospital—-“I told her no, Mom its late and I need to drive back to San Antonio, I have school in the morning….I’m sorry, I’ll come see you another time.” —Those were probably the last words I spoke to her.

March 4, 2009—

That night I was on the phone with my little brother, I don’t remember our exact conversation but we were basically chatting  and joking about Mom and how she was going to be ok, she’s tough…..she will be back home soon. From what I remembered….my little brother had not had the chance to go visit my Mom at the hospital and he had planned to go see her the next day.

March 5,2009—- That day I was up getting ready for class and noticed my uncle calling really early, I declined his call. He called a second time as I was trying to get out the door—I declined the second time. He called a third time while I was driving and I decided to answer.

I said hello….the next words my Uncle Rudy spoke broke my world around me. “Alyssa, your mom……your mom didn’t make it……”, I literally dropped my phone and started crying, and then I remembered I was in the middle of the road, I pulled over and put my emergency lights on and continued to cry. I probably sat there a while before I could comprehend what just happened. I was not prepared for that.

How did this happen? Mom was ok just a few days ago!?! Come to find out she was sicker than we had thought and that day…….that day is when I lost my hero, my number one fan, my Mom and Dad.

I thought back to the few days before when I was in Houston and  was mad at myself—I should have gone to see my Mom, I could have had one last moment or had one last funny story with her but no….I didn’t go and I should have.

You can never be prepare for days like this……and never can be. Life throws curve balls at you and you have to learn to deal with it. It took me many years to get over the fact that I should have gone to see my Mom, I know in the end she was proud of me and she loved me and I try to find comfort in that, she was proud of all of her children.

So when its one of those days….just try to get through it, know that you are not alone and many of us have “one of those days”

Xoxo—

Lyssa

So…..my 30th is a little over 2 months away….ekkkk…lets see how I am doing on my bucket list?!!

Ok. So there are 19 things on my list I have not done…..ugh. Hopefully I can get to some of them before my birthday….we shall see…..I still have time!!

For a refresher here is my bucket-list:

1. Start a blog and write a blog at least once a week until my 30^th birthday. (More like every few months)
2. Get a tattoo.
3. Random act of kindness-Leave a $100 tip.
4. Go on a ghost tour in New Orleans.( going the week before my birthday)
5. Travel to an exotic destination. (Probably not going to happen)
6. Go to a music festival in a different city.
7. Travel to at least 2 different states I have not been to.
8. Splurge on a once in a lifetime meal at one of the world’s best restaurants.
9. Go whitewater rafting.
10. Learn how to shoot a gun.
11. Write a fictional story and self-publish.
12. Become a CPA( ehhh I can dream…but it can happen!).
13. Travel Solo…..again…. : ))
14. Learn about my family Genealogy, take an ancestry test!
15. Read a classic novel. ( i started Pride and Prejudice) 
16. Try an exotic dish I have never had before.
17. See a Broadway show.
18. Run a half marathon and finish it in my goal time. ( Alamo 13.1!! March 19th 2017)
19. Spend New Year’s Eve in a different city!
20. Visit the Grand Canyon or another national park outside of Texas!
21. Get a professional full body massage!
22. Learn a foreign language- Italian!
23. Go zip lining.
24. Ride a scooter through the city.
25. Dress as Selena for Halloween.( Prob gonna change this to Dressing as Selena on a random day before my birthday, LOL!!)
26. Go parasailing.
27. Learn how to cook a Turkey for Thanksgiving.(boo, didnt happen)
28. Find out one thing my Mom really wanted to do and do it in her honor.
29. Start a Business
30. Take a picture everyday until my 30th birthday and of every experience. (This is harder than it may seem…..i have about 4 months of pictures, and then kinda stopped, lol)

Ok, so this is a venting blog today.

I know that I am a positive person all the time but a lot of times I come across people who are not as positive as I am. Is it bad that I let their negativity hit me down to my core?

I’m a cancer and probably the most emotional person you will ever meet but these negative people…..man haters….need to go away! LOL

Here I am minding my own business and doing my job and I come across someone who for whatever reason takes whatever I say negative right away. Hold on…..and calm down and let me help you and together we can figure it out.

I just need to remember to stay positive and surround myself with positive vibes because in the end those people aren’t writing my story, it’s just me in charge of how my story goes but sometimes these haters get me down and it’s not a good feeling for a person like me.

Breathe in Positivity, Breathe out the Negativity……..
Breathe in Positivity, Breathe out the Negativity……
Breathe in Positivity, Breathe out the Negativity………

I say that so many times a day, LOL. But, really if everyone could just be positive maybe we can all get along.

Sorry I shine sunshine all the time, don’t be brining your dark clouds into my skies…lol
Ok…whew, vent done (for now….lol).

Xoxo
Lyssa

I don’t cry today just because I miss you, there’s much more to it.

I cry today because its year 8 without you Mom.

I cry today because it’s been 8 years without my Mom and Dad. It’s hard to navigate through life without your parent, but somehow I’ve found my way.

I cry today because it’s been 8 years since I’ve had to live without my biggest fan and supporter.

I cry today because I look in the mirror and see your strength, bravery and confidence looking back at me.

I cry today because I feel your presence whenever I am with Adrian, Mike, and the kids, your spirit lives on with us.

I cry today because your grandbabies will never know you, but they know of you from the stories we laugh over, cry and cherish forever.

I cry today because I have told you so much since you have been gone and I have to live with hoping you hear me every night and day.

I cry today because the empty presence in my life still hurts me today, it’s not a pain that will easily go away but I hope with time it will heal.

I cry today because I am who I am today because of you. I wish you knew how much you meant to me, I never had the chance to truly express that to you. It makes me sad that you are not here to see your children achieve the dreams you had and wished for us. I hope we make you proud.

Love you always Mom.

Hello 2017!!! Soooo…. I have not kept up with this blog like I thought I would have but here I am trying, lol.

It’s week 3 of the new year, and with 5 month and 2 weeks until my next birthday I thought I would take a look at my bucket list to see what I have accomplished so far.

For a refresher here is my bucket-list:

1. Start a blog and write a blog at least once a week until my 30^th birthday. (More like every few months)
2. Get a tattoo.
3. Random act of kindness-Leave a $100 tip.
4. Go on a ghost tour in New Orleans.(Possibly going the week before my birthday)
5. Travel to an exotic destination. (Possibly happening in the Summer!!)
6. Go to a music festival in a different city. (Changing this to seeing one of my favorite bands in a different city!! Josh Abbott Band in Denver when i visit Becca!!) 
7. Travel to at least 2 different states I have not been to.
8. Splurge on a once in a lifetime meal at one of the world’s best restaurants.
9. Go whitewater rafting.
10. Learn how to shoot a gun.
11. Write a fictional story and self-publish.
12. Become a CPA( ehhh I can dream…but it can happen!).
13. Travel Solo…..again…. : )) (coming up this week!!)
14. Learn about my family Genealogy, take an ancestry test!
15. Read a classic novel. ( i started Pride and Prejudice) 
16. Try an exotic dish I have never had before.
17. See a Broadway show.
18. Run a half marathon and finish it in my goal time. ( Alamo 13.1!! March 19th 2017)
19. Spend New Year’s Eve in a different city!
20. Visit the Grand Canyon or another national park outside of Texas!
21. Get a professional full body massage!
22. Learn a foreign language- Italian!
23. Go zip lining.
24. Ride a scooter through the city.
25. Dress as Selena for Halloween.( Prob gonna change this to Dressing as Selena on a random day before my birthday, LOL!!)
26. Go parasailing.
27. Learn how to cook a Turkey for Thanksgiving.(boo, didnt happen)
28. Find out one thing my Mom really wanted to do and do it in her honor.
29. Start a Business
30. Take a picture everyday until my 30th birthday and of every experience. (This is harder than it may seem…..i have about 4 months of pictures, and then kinda stopped, lol)

Yep……I have accomplished 4 of the 30, with a few happening with in the next few months. It’s not where i thought i would be but at least I’ve checked a few off my list.

What i hope to accomplish this year and the months leading up to my birthday is to complete a majority of my listed items. I hope to push myself harder this year to get where i truly want to be. I kind of hit a wall and let life get in the way, I started to let things go and that is mistake number one. You can never let your dreams get far from you, because when you do you get lost and forget where you wanted to be. I need to remember to stay focused and chase my dreams. There is still time and I am going to make the best of it, I set a goal and I am determined to achieve it!!

So the count down continues! 170 days>>>>5 months 2 weeks until I hit the big 3 0!!!

Wish me luck!

XOXO

~Lyssa