I’ve said this before (maybe I’ve thought it but never said it out loud) but some days are more meaningful than other days because of what happened on those days.

February 15, 2009 is one of those days.

I still remember the phone call from my Mom. From the moment I answered the call I could hear it in her voice, she was scared—she was vulnerable. For the first time in my life this brave, strong woman was scared and didn’t know what was happening and was looking to me her daughter for comfort.

My whole life my Mom served as both Mom and Dad to me and my little brother, she always figured out how to provide for us. We didn’t have much growing up and Mom never had the enough money but yet somehow she made it things happen.

It’s crazy to think back to that phone call and all that had happened, and had no clue what would happen 3 weeks later. When I answered her phone call I could hear it in her voice, the first time in my life my Mom needed me. It was late at night when she called from the hospital, and I remember telling my ex— lets go now…my Mom needs me. So we packed up and drove through the night from San Antonio to Houston to be with my Mom.

The next day we were able to go and visit my Mom at the hospital and she seemed to be in good spirits, she joked around and was being her usual sassy self and I remember thinking….Mom you are going to be ok, you’ll be home soon, don’t worry you will get better—-……..we left later that day and God only knew– but that was the last time I ever was going to see my Mom.

I remember after that my Mom did make it out of the hospital I don’t remember what exactly happened that she made her go into the hospital but two weeks later she was back in the hospital.

March 3, 2009 another day.

That day will haunt me forever……..

Let me give you a little back ground of what happened that day. March 3^rd was a Tuesday and I had planned months before to go to the Houston rodeo that day to see Rascal Flatts—it was supposed to be a quick day trip. That day I had class in the morning and planned to drive to Houston from San Antonio just for the concert and that’s what happened….I met up with my friends and had a great time at the concert!

After the concert on the shuttle back to my car my Mom called me, she knew my plans and knew I was in Houston. She was back in the hospital at that point, she was back in for walking pneumonia, but that phone call is what haunts me.

She called me and asked to me to stop by and visit her at the hospital—-“I told her no, Mom its late and I need to drive back to San Antonio, I have school in the morning….I’m sorry, I’ll come see you another time.” —Those were probably the last words I spoke to her.

March 4, 2009—

That night I was on the phone with my little brother, I don’t remember our exact conversation but we were basically chatting  and joking about Mom and how she was going to be ok, she’s tough…..she will be back home soon. From what I remembered….my little brother had not had the chance to go visit my Mom at the hospital and he had planned to go see her the next day.

March 5,2009—- That day I was up getting ready for class and noticed my uncle calling really early, I declined his call. He called a second time as I was trying to get out the door—I declined the second time. He called a third time while I was driving and I decided to answer.

I said hello….the next words my Uncle Rudy spoke broke my world around me. “Alyssa, your mom……your mom didn’t make it……”, I literally dropped my phone and started crying, and then I remembered I was in the middle of the road, I pulled over and put my emergency lights on and continued to cry. I probably sat there a while before I could comprehend what just happened. I was not prepared for that.

How did this happen? Mom was ok just a few days ago!?! Come to find out she was sicker than we had thought and that day…….that day is when I lost my hero, my number one fan, my Mom and Dad.

I thought back to the few days before when I was in Houston and  was mad at myself—I should have gone to see my Mom, I could have had one last moment or had one last funny story with her but no….I didn’t go and I should have.

You can never be prepare for days like this……and never can be. Life throws curve balls at you and you have to learn to deal with it. It took me many years to get over the fact that I should have gone to see my Mom, I know in the end she was proud of me and she loved me and I try to find comfort in that, she was proud of all of her children.

So when its one of those days….just try to get through it, know that you are not alone and many of us have “one of those days”

Xoxo—

Lyssa